Likely among the first words that greet a new emerging human life are "Congratulations! It's a ..."
What is that based on really? At that stage of life, there's been no question and answer period and no psychological evaluation or interaction. There is, however, an individual known as the "Attending Physician." Mr. or Ms. AP, using all their skill and medical training, either carefully, kindly and gently coaxes the baby from the mother, while reminding said mother that the excruciating pain (like none other ever before experienced) is quite normal and the outcome will certainly be ok. Either that or the mother is effectively sedated while the AP grabs a scalpel and with a few magnificently deft strokes, creates an incision through which our new baby emerges into the world, innocently unknowing of the incredibly wide world which awaits. Invariably the baby appears to have either a vagina or a penis- let the ride begin!
Did you ever stop to think about what happens at that very moment?! That first exclamation, based on superficial observation alone sets so many precedents, actions and thoughts into motion!
New parents oblige willingly (with all the best intentions) right from the beginning- "Oh my goodness, we need to get Pink/blue clothes! We need to get action toys/dolls! We need to plan attending football games/dance recitals! We need to pick out a tuxedo/wedding gown!....." And then society chimes in right behind the parents with even further emphasis on the expectations that this newborn baby will most certainly be expected to live up to.
General society often tends to follow right along with the assumptions and expectations.
For boys, they’re expected to play sports, hunt, fish; activities that require physical strength and macho.
Girls, by contrast are expected to dress in pastel colors, play with dolls and learn domestic responsibilities such as cooking, sewing, or even tending to family.
The exceptions (and there are fortunately many) have to break out of the stereotypes, prove their uniquely different personality or traits are valid and acceptable.
For presentation in teens and beyond, all the aforementioned stereotypes play along, based on an individual’s outward appearance. If an individual appears to be male, he certainly must have interests within the scope of existing stereotypical expectations. If an individual appears to be female, her interests are assumed to also fit into the neatly formed opinion box of stereotypes as well.
Well...I happen to know some incredibly cool people who just don’t fit ANY preconceived stereotype. I don’t either. One thing I know now proceeding through transition- if people perceive me as a female and assume I might like to cook or sew, they’re not as far off. In fact, many of their assumptions are likely more accurate that when they formerly perceived me as male. Conversations begin on better first notes. There’s a sometimes surprising aspect to my being- I hunted, fished and won motorcycle races, so they can’t rightfully argue I don’t understand- for now, give me a set of pots and pans and a good recipe. Gonna feed me & friends good tonight!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Scrape the Whole Darn Thing!
The area where I live is prone to a variety of climate challenges. In fact, they change so rapidly as to hinder intelligent choices such as tomorrow's best wardrobe, or even whether to venture out on the roads. There may be places to go, it's certain- to the store; to work; to drop off a slightly over-due payment to the cable company. And yet, challenges arise....
Occasionally we have frost and other times we have snow; sometimes we have both! And the risidual result is that we cannot see out our car windshields without clearing a vieweng portal.
While preparing to head out into reality, I meticulously scrape enough of my auto window surfaces- front, back, sides, wings, etc. In other words, I'd like to see where I'm going, where I've been, and what the options are, were, or could be as I move along.
As I venture out into the day's winter wonderland with my clear windshields, full vision all the way around my ride, what do I see? Vehicles careening down the roads to destinations real and perceived with, at best, PEEP HOLES of cleared vision areas. PEEP HOLES!
I attempt to figure out the thinking (or lack thereof) that must have preceded this individual's choice to journey out onto public thoroughfares. "I have at my beckon the opportunity to see clearly all around and in front of my vehicle, roughly 80 square feet or better, but I'll accept being able to see through the 24 square inches I felt like clearing this morning... I'll accept .2% of what's available to me. If you're outside the vision range of my precious 24 square inches, I can't see you. If you're beside me, I will likely not know you're there. And if you are behind me, who the heck are you and where the heck did you come from?"
What happened here? Wake up a little too late? Converse a little too long with the family before leaving for work? Or simply forgot you were supposed to be somewhere?!?!?!?!?!?
Not only would you probably like to arrive safely to your chosen destination, I'm also likely to desire arriving at mine.
Outcomes in life are determined by choices we make- are you willing to accept .2% of what's available to you or will you consider scraping the whole d**n windshield?
Occasionally we have frost and other times we have snow; sometimes we have both! And the risidual result is that we cannot see out our car windshields without clearing a vieweng portal.
While preparing to head out into reality, I meticulously scrape enough of my auto window surfaces- front, back, sides, wings, etc. In other words, I'd like to see where I'm going, where I've been, and what the options are, were, or could be as I move along.
As I venture out into the day's winter wonderland with my clear windshields, full vision all the way around my ride, what do I see? Vehicles careening down the roads to destinations real and perceived with, at best, PEEP HOLES of cleared vision areas. PEEP HOLES!
I attempt to figure out the thinking (or lack thereof) that must have preceded this individual's choice to journey out onto public thoroughfares. "I have at my beckon the opportunity to see clearly all around and in front of my vehicle, roughly 80 square feet or better, but I'll accept being able to see through the 24 square inches I felt like clearing this morning... I'll accept .2% of what's available to me. If you're outside the vision range of my precious 24 square inches, I can't see you. If you're beside me, I will likely not know you're there. And if you are behind me, who the heck are you and where the heck did you come from?"
What happened here? Wake up a little too late? Converse a little too long with the family before leaving for work? Or simply forgot you were supposed to be somewhere?!?!?!?!?!?
Not only would you probably like to arrive safely to your chosen destination, I'm also likely to desire arriving at mine.
Outcomes in life are determined by choices we make- are you willing to accept .2% of what's available to you or will you consider scraping the whole d**n windshield?
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Does Life in a Drop-Down Really Reflect a Life?
The recent several weeks have included a lot of “form filling”- legally changing my name and then going through the process of notifying every entity that “needs to know” such a the Social Security Administration, Department of Motor Vehicles and all the utility companies, banks, insurance, etc, etc……. one could rightfully conclude I’ve become a bit “formed out.”
One area in particular has caught my attention and stimulated this little rant- online forms for social networks and general surveys. Although they still allow factual input like using my very own REAL name, too many categories are relegated to “drop down” entries. A pet peeve of mine is the “education” category. I appreciate and highly respect education, don’t get me wrong, but it’s certainly not the only barometer of ones life, particularly if inaccurate or incomplete. And NONE of the choices address the excruciating inner turmoil of feeling transgendered or how it factors into experience!
Invariably the choices are limited to K-12, a few variations of college/ trade school, or specific degrees. Regarding colleges, the drop downs I’m referring to only listed one of the colleges I attended, so by completing the form, it’s not even a true reflection of my formal educational experiences. And no “fill in actual names and places” options even exist!!
After “some college” I decided since I was only taking general courses, hadn’t a clue as to “what I wanted to be when I grew up,” it was time and money that wasn’t being productively spent. At that time, I really wasn’t sure I wanted to grow up at all! Some 37 years later, I’m quite certain I’ve never found any practical applications in my life for the formulas and theorems I studied in calculus.
There were a couple years of working jobs I liked (but didn’t pay much)- making pizza and working in the warehouse of a popular snow ski manufacturing company were just a couple of the environments I enjoyed most. But they didn’t pay well enough for me to do all of the things I thought I wanted to accomplish in life- like racing motocross, a little socializing/partying and even starting a family.
So began my highly scientific study of what I wanted to do to make a living- I asked all my friends “Who do you know who makes the most money?” At the time, most mentioned one individual working in a specialized construction trade (drywall finishing). He was making a king’s ransom relative to anyone else I knew and the profession was listed among the top 10 highest paying jobs in America, even above corporate lawyers; definitely below specialty surgeons, but very handsome income none the less.
I lobbied him persistently (and ultimately successfully) for a couple months to hire me and teach me his trade. It helped that we had developed a mutual respect as fierce competitors on the race track. Then my real education began!
The trade was a natural fit for me- I enjoyed the creative aspects of the work and had a knack for it. In addition to the finishing trade itself, I had a keen fascination with the equipment used to perform the work- I like to call it “mechanical tinkeritis.” I began making more money than I had ever dreamed possible, blossomed socially (in hindsight had all the friends money could buy) and decided to get married and start a family. The reasons were wrong and immature, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
During the course of 15 predominantly turbulent years, three beautiful children were brought into the world. I continue to love them dearly and they are all close in my life.
I knew that although I enjoyed the drywall trade, it wasn’t something wanted to be doing physically as I got older and it had become competitive enough that the relatively ridiculous earning potential had dwindled somewhat compared to the beginning heydays. Even as the marriage relationship was spiraling downward to a nasty crash ending, I continued to aggressively seek new opportunities.
There was a brief, highly enlightening (but not particularly profitable) stint with multi-level marketing. Then there were moderately fulfilling experiences selling real estate and life insurance and construction contracting. Although I saw potentially rewarding economic opportunities, they were things to do and not activities that stirred my passions. I stayed connected with the drywall trade and tools.
I married again, this time to the most wonderful lady I’ve ever known, still one of my dearest, closest friends. We raised/guided my 3 kids and her 2 until they were all successfully on their own and out of the house. The net result is I now have 4 beautiful children I feel closely connected to in life.
My career had evolved into primarily management positions- lead project manager or general superintendent for various companies. One day, in the middle of one of the most hideously stressful periods of construction activity (workers were sick or AWOL, equipment was broken and the world in general seemed to be angry specifically with me), I received a fateful call from a Canadian company owner. “Are you enjoying what you do so much you wouldn’t consider another opportunity?” Was that satellite in the sky watching my day that day???? By mutual agreement between me and my business partner at the time, we decided to complete existing contract agreements, he welcomed the chance to scale back on commitments, and I went to work for the Canadian company owner.
Within a couple short months, I was selling more equipment each month than the company could produce, so I moved up to public relations. While doing my best to connect customers’ needs with the company’s production capabilities, I directed all US operations. That required that I travel extensively throughout the US, with frequent visits to headquarters in BC. I met a lot of wonderful people and gained invaluable experience, ultimately becoming an acknowledged authority in the industry. I’ve since written instructional manuals for the major factories and they regularly consult with me on technical issues and new tool development.
I've never found choices in the drop-downs about walking on fire, bungee jumping, or non-accredited leadership courses.
Over the last year of significant and magnificent change, I’ve realized there are things a girl can do and things a girl can’t do.
A girl cannot remain married to another woman who doesn’t want to be married to a woman.
A girl who is known to be intelligent and considerate can continue to be intelligent and considerate. A girl with confidence can remain confident. A girl can continue living, even though there was significant knowledge and experience gained while living a “guy” pretense. A girl can appreciate life to its fullest.
I guess the only remaining question now is- am I educated?
Kimi “some college” Cole
One area in particular has caught my attention and stimulated this little rant- online forms for social networks and general surveys. Although they still allow factual input like using my very own REAL name, too many categories are relegated to “drop down” entries. A pet peeve of mine is the “education” category. I appreciate and highly respect education, don’t get me wrong, but it’s certainly not the only barometer of ones life, particularly if inaccurate or incomplete. And NONE of the choices address the excruciating inner turmoil of feeling transgendered or how it factors into experience!
Invariably the choices are limited to K-12, a few variations of college/ trade school, or specific degrees. Regarding colleges, the drop downs I’m referring to only listed one of the colleges I attended, so by completing the form, it’s not even a true reflection of my formal educational experiences. And no “fill in actual names and places” options even exist!!
After “some college” I decided since I was only taking general courses, hadn’t a clue as to “what I wanted to be when I grew up,” it was time and money that wasn’t being productively spent. At that time, I really wasn’t sure I wanted to grow up at all! Some 37 years later, I’m quite certain I’ve never found any practical applications in my life for the formulas and theorems I studied in calculus.
There were a couple years of working jobs I liked (but didn’t pay much)- making pizza and working in the warehouse of a popular snow ski manufacturing company were just a couple of the environments I enjoyed most. But they didn’t pay well enough for me to do all of the things I thought I wanted to accomplish in life- like racing motocross, a little socializing/partying and even starting a family.
So began my highly scientific study of what I wanted to do to make a living- I asked all my friends “Who do you know who makes the most money?” At the time, most mentioned one individual working in a specialized construction trade (drywall finishing). He was making a king’s ransom relative to anyone else I knew and the profession was listed among the top 10 highest paying jobs in America, even above corporate lawyers; definitely below specialty surgeons, but very handsome income none the less.
I lobbied him persistently (and ultimately successfully) for a couple months to hire me and teach me his trade. It helped that we had developed a mutual respect as fierce competitors on the race track. Then my real education began!
The trade was a natural fit for me- I enjoyed the creative aspects of the work and had a knack for it. In addition to the finishing trade itself, I had a keen fascination with the equipment used to perform the work- I like to call it “mechanical tinkeritis.” I began making more money than I had ever dreamed possible, blossomed socially (in hindsight had all the friends money could buy) and decided to get married and start a family. The reasons were wrong and immature, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
During the course of 15 predominantly turbulent years, three beautiful children were brought into the world. I continue to love them dearly and they are all close in my life.
I knew that although I enjoyed the drywall trade, it wasn’t something wanted to be doing physically as I got older and it had become competitive enough that the relatively ridiculous earning potential had dwindled somewhat compared to the beginning heydays. Even as the marriage relationship was spiraling downward to a nasty crash ending, I continued to aggressively seek new opportunities.
There was a brief, highly enlightening (but not particularly profitable) stint with multi-level marketing. Then there were moderately fulfilling experiences selling real estate and life insurance and construction contracting. Although I saw potentially rewarding economic opportunities, they were things to do and not activities that stirred my passions. I stayed connected with the drywall trade and tools.
I married again, this time to the most wonderful lady I’ve ever known, still one of my dearest, closest friends. We raised/guided my 3 kids and her 2 until they were all successfully on their own and out of the house. The net result is I now have 4 beautiful children I feel closely connected to in life.
My career had evolved into primarily management positions- lead project manager or general superintendent for various companies. One day, in the middle of one of the most hideously stressful periods of construction activity (workers were sick or AWOL, equipment was broken and the world in general seemed to be angry specifically with me), I received a fateful call from a Canadian company owner. “Are you enjoying what you do so much you wouldn’t consider another opportunity?” Was that satellite in the sky watching my day that day???? By mutual agreement between me and my business partner at the time, we decided to complete existing contract agreements, he welcomed the chance to scale back on commitments, and I went to work for the Canadian company owner.
Within a couple short months, I was selling more equipment each month than the company could produce, so I moved up to public relations. While doing my best to connect customers’ needs with the company’s production capabilities, I directed all US operations. That required that I travel extensively throughout the US, with frequent visits to headquarters in BC. I met a lot of wonderful people and gained invaluable experience, ultimately becoming an acknowledged authority in the industry. I’ve since written instructional manuals for the major factories and they regularly consult with me on technical issues and new tool development.
I've never found choices in the drop-downs about walking on fire, bungee jumping, or non-accredited leadership courses.
Over the last year of significant and magnificent change, I’ve realized there are things a girl can do and things a girl can’t do.
A girl cannot remain married to another woman who doesn’t want to be married to a woman.
A girl who is known to be intelligent and considerate can continue to be intelligent and considerate. A girl with confidence can remain confident. A girl can continue living, even though there was significant knowledge and experience gained while living a “guy” pretense. A girl can appreciate life to its fullest.
I guess the only remaining question now is- am I educated?
Kimi “some college” Cole
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