In addition to occasional, well... frequent, questions from others, I also find I question myself!
Really, since beginning taking hormones, what has changed about me? WHAT'S DIFFERENT? WHAT'S BETTER?
I begin with the obvious (at least to me). My mind feels more clear and focused. That's likely just a by-product of the unifying process of aligning my mind, body and image. Think about it- how would you (or anyone, for that matter) deal with daily living, looking in the mirror and feeling "There's an image there that everyone else sees, but it's not me! It doesn't fit; it doesn't work!"
Now 'it' fits. 'It' works better.
And then there's the thinking process itself. For others of similar background, it will make all too much sense, but for those "conventionally wired" it may take a little imagination.
Certainly there exist stereotypical "male" thinking patterns as well as stereotypical "female" thinking patterns.
I've always been able to readily see both perspectives. Therein lay another base of inner struggle. Being able to see multiple perspectives of situations led to much second guessing- The 'male' side sees it this way, the 'female' side sees it that way. I most often and most thoroughly gravitate(d) toward the female side but I needed to keep up the male image. Therefore this is what I thought I should do, how I thought I should act. Imagine going through that process on virtually every decision, every day, involving social and business circumstances! NO MORE! Now I look at any given situation, decide what my conscience, instincts and experience tell me and act accordingly- no pretense, no second-guessing.
Physically, my skin is getting smoother, body hair getting lighter and then the obvious (and welcomed) development in the breast area. One particularly interesting note, even though I look like I have boobs now, overall physical dimensions have remained relatively static, merely re-positioned. To be continued...:-)
Then there are the questions regarding certain capabilities that have allowed me to make a living and even prosper in my particular field of business. "Have you lost any of your mechanical abilities?" Well, in a word, NO! I'm not certain it's lady-like, nor do I care; but I still understand nuts, bolts and screws and how they connect parts and assemblies. I thoroughly understand what the assembled machines and equipment do, how they do it, what happens when they fail and how to repair them to full function again. I even have an easier time explaining to others how to acheive the remedies, just because I feel an inner calmness (patience) I never felt when my system was under the ravages of excess testosterone.
After college, I participated for a brief period in semi-professional motocross racing. I guess it's fair to say I felt a 'need for speed!' These days I enjoy the rush of 100 mph+ on the Harley,but it's not a steady diet like it used to be. Plus I've also developed a strong sense of not enjoying pain, so I certainly take a few more precautions to avoid it (pain).
Oh, yes- then there's the mystical draw of wind and water, such as experienced on a sailboat. In all of my life, regardless of what was going on, good or bad, in times when I'm able to harness the wind with a set of sails and exist with the 'flow' of the water and energy, everything else disappears for those moments. That feeling of joy when sailing has not left me and I certainly hope it never does!
Of all observations, current and retrospective, I have always realized that every person has value. I look for and find the talents. I love people, always have.
Getting back to that original main question, "What has changed?" In my mind, nothing really.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
What Does 'It' MEAN?
Invariably, a curious, likely well-meaning, but possibly insensitive person will ask- “What does it MEAN?” or “I’m not sure what this means.” They refer to my transition while, in a word, want to know how it might affect them, how to explain it to anyone else (or probably even to themselves), all the while implying that “it” has such significant meaning that I’m obligated to provide instant, satisfactory and most of all understandable explanations.
Perhaps we can break this down to an easily understandable level.
First thing in the morning, invariably without exception, my eyes open- that MEANS I’m awake, something I enjoy in the mornings. In fact, as long as I remain standing and active during the day, that MEANS I’m still alive- I really like that!
But then it gets more complicated- several days a week I go to the local gym. That MEANS I’m willing to discipline myself and MEANS I’m willing to work up a sweat to keep myself in shape.
Now, let’s not overlook really important observations- here we go…
When I get home from the gym, I’m sweaty and anxious to take a shower- That MEANS I like being clean and actually enjoy the soothing sound and feel of a nice warm shower.
When I’m done with the shower, I start thinking about breakfast- that MEANS I’m hungry!
After eating, I get ready for work- that MEANS I need to make a living.
After several hours work, I’m thinking about lunch. You got it- that MEANS I’m hungry again.
Towards the end of the afternoon, there’s been action, challenge, downtime, constantly mixed and I look forward to getting away from the office- that MEANS I want to get away from the office.
I’m wondering- is there a pattern here? Have you ever found yourself experiencing a similar pattern? Have you been hungry? Have you worked for a living? Have you taken care of yourself? Have you been tired?
Does this MEAN we’re more similar than different? Does this MEAN maybe we can be friends?
Perhaps we can break this down to an easily understandable level.
First thing in the morning, invariably without exception, my eyes open- that MEANS I’m awake, something I enjoy in the mornings. In fact, as long as I remain standing and active during the day, that MEANS I’m still alive- I really like that!
But then it gets more complicated- several days a week I go to the local gym. That MEANS I’m willing to discipline myself and MEANS I’m willing to work up a sweat to keep myself in shape.
Now, let’s not overlook really important observations- here we go…
When I get home from the gym, I’m sweaty and anxious to take a shower- That MEANS I like being clean and actually enjoy the soothing sound and feel of a nice warm shower.
When I’m done with the shower, I start thinking about breakfast- that MEANS I’m hungry!
After eating, I get ready for work- that MEANS I need to make a living.
After several hours work, I’m thinking about lunch. You got it- that MEANS I’m hungry again.
Towards the end of the afternoon, there’s been action, challenge, downtime, constantly mixed and I look forward to getting away from the office- that MEANS I want to get away from the office.
I’m wondering- is there a pattern here? Have you ever found yourself experiencing a similar pattern? Have you been hungry? Have you worked for a living? Have you taken care of yourself? Have you been tired?
Does this MEAN we’re more similar than different? Does this MEAN maybe we can be friends?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Dancin' in Tune With Life- (or Swingin' From The Knot ot the End of My Rope!)
When someone asks me about my activities, I might list ‘swingin’ & dancin’ among them, at least on particular days. Of course, looking back on my life, sometimes it meant doing a two step to avoid a sticky situation or even “dancin’ around the question” a bit.
Early in life the swingin’ was surely quite juvenile. Often there were ecstatic feelings of getting to enjoy “fun stuff” with friends- swimming in the local river, hiking in the nearby mountains, building secret "getaway forts". And none of the rest mattered at the moment.
Sprinkle in the obligatory, perceived drudgery and persecutory requirements levied by well-meaning parents- room cleaning, doing homework and mowing the lawn! Uuuuuup…& dooooowwwwnnn….
The constant teeter totter continued through school, ever present, someone always seeming to be pushing or pulling. The darned thing about school was that the ups & downs had nothing to do with gravity and there was no absolute constant. In classes with the "good" teachers, the ones whom I respected the most (or related to most closely regarding their teaching style), learning came easily and excellent grades reflected that. Don't forget the OMG teachers (Oh my goodness, not THEM again!) when every passing minute seemed like an hour, having a difficult time staying in step with nearly-frozen winter molasses. In fact, at times, a crawl would have seemed lightning fast by comparison!
Ms. K began raising her hand more often, begging to be acknowledged, only to encounter the most vicious rejections. "Who are you? You're not supposed to be here in this life, this body, at this time! Go away!" That proved every bit as effective as covering ones eyes and pretending that "no one else can see me now." As the UP's got higher, the DOWN's progressed ever lower.....
An ever-present itch to “do something with life” provided an anxious drive to accomplish [something]. Jobs always seemed to present themselves (either by my begging for them or having friends invite me to work at their places of employment and introduce me to their superiors.) Although the engine that propelled the passionate enthusiasm for each consecutive employment opportunity was most certainly fueled in my inner insecurities, the net results were generally attaining leadership positions and advancement in the workplaces.
Ms. K continued to make her presence known, often subtly, but occasionally with a roar befitting a lioness claiming her territory or protecting her offspring.
What was I supposed to do?! Under constant scrutiny by society and my own conditioning, it seemed like the only thing to do was to start a family. Surely a family and the accompanying responsibilities would provide too great a challenge for Ms. K to retain foothold in my life…..surely…..
One available survival technique during family-forming years was to engage in periods of such intense activity and over-commitment that there was no room for anything or anybody else- kids off to school, off to dance, off to football, off to soccer, off to…..anything and everything. “Are you coming, coach?” And yet all it took was the occasional ceasing of motion, a break, and Ms. K became ever more fiercely demanding- “Can’t you see me? WON’T you see me?!” PLEASE?!!!!!?
Who could match the challenge, if not wonderful kids and rewarding careers? Surely there would be a mate so wonderful, so magnetic, so captivating that she might supersede previous thoughts, notions and inner challenges! I found her (or we found each other) And with the proper counseling, life could be as it should be, perfectly shoe-horned into a quaint little, society accepted….MOLD, BOX, STEREOTYPE, choose a word! It seemed like it made sense at the time, but the magic was all too short-lived.
As if everything previously in life had simply been the warm-up bands for the concert that was about to play, Ms. K added more speakers, amps and volume. Not to be silenced, the concert progressed incessantly toward crescendo with a deafening, repeating demand, “Let me be! Let me be ME!” Could ther ever be any peace or quiet in this life?
In the course of a couple short years (and sudden loss of some good friends), there remained only one vision, one goal, one ever-present commitment- Kimi must live!
Although there have certainly been many changes, tears and challenges, the rhythm now swings and rocks, every day becoming more fulfilling and more focused- would anyone like to dance with me?
Early in life the swingin’ was surely quite juvenile. Often there were ecstatic feelings of getting to enjoy “fun stuff” with friends- swimming in the local river, hiking in the nearby mountains, building secret "getaway forts". And none of the rest mattered at the moment.
Sprinkle in the obligatory, perceived drudgery and persecutory requirements levied by well-meaning parents- room cleaning, doing homework and mowing the lawn! Uuuuuup…& dooooowwwwnnn….
The constant teeter totter continued through school, ever present, someone always seeming to be pushing or pulling. The darned thing about school was that the ups & downs had nothing to do with gravity and there was no absolute constant. In classes with the "good" teachers, the ones whom I respected the most (or related to most closely regarding their teaching style), learning came easily and excellent grades reflected that. Don't forget the OMG teachers (Oh my goodness, not THEM again!) when every passing minute seemed like an hour, having a difficult time staying in step with nearly-frozen winter molasses. In fact, at times, a crawl would have seemed lightning fast by comparison!
Ms. K began raising her hand more often, begging to be acknowledged, only to encounter the most vicious rejections. "Who are you? You're not supposed to be here in this life, this body, at this time! Go away!" That proved every bit as effective as covering ones eyes and pretending that "no one else can see me now." As the UP's got higher, the DOWN's progressed ever lower.....
An ever-present itch to “do something with life” provided an anxious drive to accomplish [something]. Jobs always seemed to present themselves (either by my begging for them or having friends invite me to work at their places of employment and introduce me to their superiors.) Although the engine that propelled the passionate enthusiasm for each consecutive employment opportunity was most certainly fueled in my inner insecurities, the net results were generally attaining leadership positions and advancement in the workplaces.
Ms. K continued to make her presence known, often subtly, but occasionally with a roar befitting a lioness claiming her territory or protecting her offspring.
What was I supposed to do?! Under constant scrutiny by society and my own conditioning, it seemed like the only thing to do was to start a family. Surely a family and the accompanying responsibilities would provide too great a challenge for Ms. K to retain foothold in my life…..surely…..
One available survival technique during family-forming years was to engage in periods of such intense activity and over-commitment that there was no room for anything or anybody else- kids off to school, off to dance, off to football, off to soccer, off to…..anything and everything. “Are you coming, coach?” And yet all it took was the occasional ceasing of motion, a break, and Ms. K became ever more fiercely demanding- “Can’t you see me? WON’T you see me?!” PLEASE?!!!!!?
Who could match the challenge, if not wonderful kids and rewarding careers? Surely there would be a mate so wonderful, so magnetic, so captivating that she might supersede previous thoughts, notions and inner challenges! I found her (or we found each other) And with the proper counseling, life could be as it should be, perfectly shoe-horned into a quaint little, society accepted….MOLD, BOX, STEREOTYPE, choose a word! It seemed like it made sense at the time, but the magic was all too short-lived.
As if everything previously in life had simply been the warm-up bands for the concert that was about to play, Ms. K added more speakers, amps and volume. Not to be silenced, the concert progressed incessantly toward crescendo with a deafening, repeating demand, “Let me be! Let me be ME!” Could ther ever be any peace or quiet in this life?
In the course of a couple short years (and sudden loss of some good friends), there remained only one vision, one goal, one ever-present commitment- Kimi must live!
Although there have certainly been many changes, tears and challenges, the rhythm now swings and rocks, every day becoming more fulfilling and more focused- would anyone like to dance with me?
Monday, August 30, 2010
The One Nobody Knew
There is a person very near to me, so near in fact, she's been "there" all my conscious life. She's so real, the question was always more "Why is this not the person everyone else sees? Do they see no further than the cursory surface glance that takes only a careless passing second?"
There was no outward validation available because she kept very private, hidden to the vast world outside, meticulously covering any tracks that may have been made in recent excursions to 'the outside world.' A silently screaming thought was ever-present- "Why can't I just be me?"
But surely nobody else would understand, I mean really, becoming a woman after leading an apparently successful life as "that guy?" What would the neighbors think? What would friends think? And the family, no less! Would they still like me if they found out? Who's Kimi?
The scream persisted, outwardly reflecting as no more than a deafening whisper that no one else was hearing; at least they didn't seem to (or want to). Seismically advancing to a point of exploding, like a pent up volcano with no way else to contain the pressure, emotional magma advanced determinedly toward the surface.
There were simply no longer practical avenues to contain the massive pressure, and the choice was a 'plan to proceed' with a timed explosion of sorts, as opposed to an uncontrolled, un-aimed and potentially more devastating blast.
Many questions had been previously asked, but the answers still begged to be revealed- if the same questions never received acceptable or understandable answers, might the questions themselves be wrong? Or might the answers simply be different than idealistically anticipated and be ignored?
If this is not the person everyone else sees, what could make them see? Visual aids are amazingly effective, when used kindly- hair getting MUCH longer; fingernails allowed to grow beyond the old "mechanic" length (and a splash of clear polish to shine in the eyes now and then :-)
And why live behind that closed door, that self-imposed barrier to freedom and peace? It feels good to step out into the sunshine and walk down the street, stepping confidently into a restaurant, museum or clothing store...or for that matter, the local supermarket! Could this all be that simple?
Absolutely!!! (with a caveat) Simple does not necessarily mean easy, it just means there are not a lot of ingredients to the plan. There was one final, major, self-imposed hurdle to be overcome, the final haunting questions- will my friends still like me if they find out? And the neighbors? And the FAMILY?!
Let's address in order:
Neighbors?- Some have become friends and some never engaged beyond 'hello' at the mailbox- they're very likely wonderful people, but do I owe them my life? Hardly!
Friends- This is the easiest. Real friends have stayed loyal and true. Some acquaintances have stayed as well, even revealing themselves to be true friends! And some have gone.....
Family- Now that was scary! I have been a husband, a provider, a father, a son, a brother, a grandfather an uncle--- too many labels to digest easily. With any fortune they will all realize I have always loved them, cared for them, supported them, encouraged them and even written notes to the teachers when they were ill.
The question "What are we going to call you now?" has a simple answer- Kimi!
There was no outward validation available because she kept very private, hidden to the vast world outside, meticulously covering any tracks that may have been made in recent excursions to 'the outside world.' A silently screaming thought was ever-present- "Why can't I just be me?"
But surely nobody else would understand, I mean really, becoming a woman after leading an apparently successful life as "that guy?" What would the neighbors think? What would friends think? And the family, no less! Would they still like me if they found out? Who's Kimi?
The scream persisted, outwardly reflecting as no more than a deafening whisper that no one else was hearing; at least they didn't seem to (or want to). Seismically advancing to a point of exploding, like a pent up volcano with no way else to contain the pressure, emotional magma advanced determinedly toward the surface.
There were simply no longer practical avenues to contain the massive pressure, and the choice was a 'plan to proceed' with a timed explosion of sorts, as opposed to an uncontrolled, un-aimed and potentially more devastating blast.
Many questions had been previously asked, but the answers still begged to be revealed- if the same questions never received acceptable or understandable answers, might the questions themselves be wrong? Or might the answers simply be different than idealistically anticipated and be ignored?
If this is not the person everyone else sees, what could make them see? Visual aids are amazingly effective, when used kindly- hair getting MUCH longer; fingernails allowed to grow beyond the old "mechanic" length (and a splash of clear polish to shine in the eyes now and then :-)
And why live behind that closed door, that self-imposed barrier to freedom and peace? It feels good to step out into the sunshine and walk down the street, stepping confidently into a restaurant, museum or clothing store...or for that matter, the local supermarket! Could this all be that simple?
Absolutely!!! (with a caveat) Simple does not necessarily mean easy, it just means there are not a lot of ingredients to the plan. There was one final, major, self-imposed hurdle to be overcome, the final haunting questions- will my friends still like me if they find out? And the neighbors? And the FAMILY?!
Let's address in order:
Neighbors?- Some have become friends and some never engaged beyond 'hello' at the mailbox- they're very likely wonderful people, but do I owe them my life? Hardly!
Friends- This is the easiest. Real friends have stayed loyal and true. Some acquaintances have stayed as well, even revealing themselves to be true friends! And some have gone.....
Family- Now that was scary! I have been a husband, a provider, a father, a son, a brother, a grandfather an uncle--- too many labels to digest easily. With any fortune they will all realize I have always loved them, cared for them, supported them, encouraged them and even written notes to the teachers when they were ill.
The question "What are we going to call you now?" has a simple answer- Kimi!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The Dastardly D's
As people continue to apply their labels to any one (sometimes seems like EVERYONE else), it makes me wonder, 'Who identified the label to begin with? And what are the guidelines?'
For example, there are "different, disordered, dysphoric and even defective" that have been applied to me and others I know.
"Different" I can centainly understand and don't find particularly offensive. In fact, I think we could safely say we're ALL different in some form (at least according to the labels) male-female; tall- short; physically challenged- physically gifted; mentally challenged-mentally gifted.
And to further drive stakes into the hearts of labels, here are statistics I discovered, highly accurate according to me because I actually researched them on the internet. If you have better numbers or more accurate statistics, please share ASAP, before everyone figures out I'm really not that smart.
7-10% of people born are left- handed, mostly male- how about a form for employment that says please inform us if you are a male who writes left handed. I think that would certainly be considered descrimination, wouldn't it? And, by the way, left-handedness is determined in the womb, and a higher than "normal" concentration of testosterone present during pregnancy can increase chance of left-handedness. Whoa! Back me up a minute- did I hear in there it was actually possible to be BORN left-handed? You mean it wasn't some unacceptable fetish activity a child developed, simply to annoy teachers and parents? Hmmm... BORN THAT WAY. Simply because 90-93% of the population is right-handed and most activities are far more awkward for a right-hander to attempt left-handed, it's a natural leap to equate left-handedness with awkwardness. What kind of brilliant thinking is that? Just to follow up on that, I've had friends who were left-handed, far more athletic than I, far more intelligent than I, and certainly with far superior penmanship! And I never gave it a thought that they were "different." Oh yes, and they were actually BORN that way.
According to MENSA, a respected group of individuals whose common distinction is an incredibly high IQ (should we lobby to have than changed to woMENSA? (Just a thought, go ahead and slap me- and if anyone suggests it was my idea, I'll certainly deny it.) Back to MENSA after that unfortunate digression- people who test over 175 IQ are considered "genius", but only about 2% of the population can claim that. I'm convinced I could have done better on the IQ test if my smart friends had only let me use their study notes. Now, here we go again, if only 2% of people have that kind of IQ, wouldn't that certainly be considered "different" (at least than the majority) Different turns to "gifted" in most cases when describing those with genius- better not call that one a defect or some genius will lobby for a new statute, the "Calling of Those With Higher Than Normal Intellect Unacceptable" law. Even I know that's CTWHTNIU (thought you could fool me, eh?)
Now for a little fun stuff- according to Gallup, 21% of men are gay and 22% of women are lesbian- say what?!!! Even most conserative of conservative experts say over 10%, but majority of Americans polled figure over 20%. More than the geniuses? More than the left-handers? Combined! And we're considered outcast??? At the very least, for those counting label zones anyway, gays and lesbians should move up at least 2-3 rungs on the "how different are we really" ladder.
I've long since figured out it's possible to find a statistic, draw a fancy pie graph chart (no whipped cream or berries on this one) to present a notion that something is unusual, undesirable or even implied to be "wrong."
I don't buy it, not even with the incredibly deflated penny I still carry in my pocket for no discernable reason. But I do offer a suggestion to all- next time you see a person and wonder how you might label them, try "a person" on for size. You'll be amazed how good it can feel :-)
Love, Kimi 8/11/2010
For example, there are "different, disordered, dysphoric and even defective" that have been applied to me and others I know.
"Different" I can centainly understand and don't find particularly offensive. In fact, I think we could safely say we're ALL different in some form (at least according to the labels) male-female; tall- short; physically challenged- physically gifted; mentally challenged-mentally gifted.
And to further drive stakes into the hearts of labels, here are statistics I discovered, highly accurate according to me because I actually researched them on the internet. If you have better numbers or more accurate statistics, please share ASAP, before everyone figures out I'm really not that smart.
7-10% of people born are left- handed, mostly male- how about a form for employment that says please inform us if you are a male who writes left handed. I think that would certainly be considered descrimination, wouldn't it? And, by the way, left-handedness is determined in the womb, and a higher than "normal" concentration of testosterone present during pregnancy can increase chance of left-handedness. Whoa! Back me up a minute- did I hear in there it was actually possible to be BORN left-handed? You mean it wasn't some unacceptable fetish activity a child developed, simply to annoy teachers and parents? Hmmm... BORN THAT WAY. Simply because 90-93% of the population is right-handed and most activities are far more awkward for a right-hander to attempt left-handed, it's a natural leap to equate left-handedness with awkwardness. What kind of brilliant thinking is that? Just to follow up on that, I've had friends who were left-handed, far more athletic than I, far more intelligent than I, and certainly with far superior penmanship! And I never gave it a thought that they were "different." Oh yes, and they were actually BORN that way.
According to MENSA, a respected group of individuals whose common distinction is an incredibly high IQ (should we lobby to have than changed to woMENSA? (Just a thought, go ahead and slap me- and if anyone suggests it was my idea, I'll certainly deny it.) Back to MENSA after that unfortunate digression- people who test over 175 IQ are considered "genius", but only about 2% of the population can claim that. I'm convinced I could have done better on the IQ test if my smart friends had only let me use their study notes. Now, here we go again, if only 2% of people have that kind of IQ, wouldn't that certainly be considered "different" (at least than the majority) Different turns to "gifted" in most cases when describing those with genius- better not call that one a defect or some genius will lobby for a new statute, the "Calling of Those With Higher Than Normal Intellect Unacceptable" law. Even I know that's CTWHTNIU (thought you could fool me, eh?)
Now for a little fun stuff- according to Gallup, 21% of men are gay and 22% of women are lesbian- say what?!!! Even most conserative of conservative experts say over 10%, but majority of Americans polled figure over 20%. More than the geniuses? More than the left-handers? Combined! And we're considered outcast??? At the very least, for those counting label zones anyway, gays and lesbians should move up at least 2-3 rungs on the "how different are we really" ladder.
I've long since figured out it's possible to find a statistic, draw a fancy pie graph chart (no whipped cream or berries on this one) to present a notion that something is unusual, undesirable or even implied to be "wrong."
I don't buy it, not even with the incredibly deflated penny I still carry in my pocket for no discernable reason. But I do offer a suggestion to all- next time you see a person and wonder how you might label them, try "a person" on for size. You'll be amazed how good it can feel :-)
Love, Kimi 8/11/2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
FAQ's- WTF?
The questions that come from acquaintances and “friends” in the form of words- “Who do you WANT to become?” “Who do you expect to be?” sometimes leave me searching for a kind, appropriate, educational response to well-intentioned but magnificently ignorant queries.
Let’s discuss this- if I want “to become” someone, does that not imply that presently I am no one? If I “expect to be” someone other than myself, am I merely getting byline credit for seeking an ongoing acting job?”
As people observe from the outside, they see significant change in my manner, appearance and activities. On the other hand, all I feel directly is a slight course change aligning mind, body and spirit. The world looks the same to me as it always has only more clearly and sharply focused.
To my friends, after great consideration, my answer is “This is me, all me, only me and if you want to talk, I’m here.”
Questions from strangers come more in the form of glances askew. Non-verbalized inquiries are no less perceived nor prying than spoken words. Ohhhh… those looks, “Are you in the wrong restroom?” “Do you qualify to sit at the table next to me?” “What will I tell my friends if they see me with you?” “Is that your real hair?”
In order- “Yes, I can still stand when required.” “I didn’t see a name tag reserving this table for anyone; by the way, where is the reservation tag with YOUR name on it for the table at which you are sitting?” “Why do you have to tell anyone anything? Have you been retained to follow and report on my location and activities? And, if so, are you getting paid so well that I have to put you on my paparazzi-watch?” “Only my hairdresser knows for sure ;-)”
Typical Kimi answer- If I sit here and ignore that accidental glance or ignorant question long enough, I’m sure you are quite smart enough to figure it out on your own. Life really is way to short to spend endless moments attempting to figure anyone else’s mind.
I’ve lived a good life, luckier than many, less fortunate than some and have no regrets. The second half is just beginning; so on that note… let the ride continue. And if anyone wants to read along, stay tuned!
Let’s discuss this- if I want “to become” someone, does that not imply that presently I am no one? If I “expect to be” someone other than myself, am I merely getting byline credit for seeking an ongoing acting job?”
As people observe from the outside, they see significant change in my manner, appearance and activities. On the other hand, all I feel directly is a slight course change aligning mind, body and spirit. The world looks the same to me as it always has only more clearly and sharply focused.
To my friends, after great consideration, my answer is “This is me, all me, only me and if you want to talk, I’m here.”
Questions from strangers come more in the form of glances askew. Non-verbalized inquiries are no less perceived nor prying than spoken words. Ohhhh… those looks, “Are you in the wrong restroom?” “Do you qualify to sit at the table next to me?” “What will I tell my friends if they see me with you?” “Is that your real hair?”
In order- “Yes, I can still stand when required.” “I didn’t see a name tag reserving this table for anyone; by the way, where is the reservation tag with YOUR name on it for the table at which you are sitting?” “Why do you have to tell anyone anything? Have you been retained to follow and report on my location and activities? And, if so, are you getting paid so well that I have to put you on my paparazzi-watch?” “Only my hairdresser knows for sure ;-)”
Typical Kimi answer- If I sit here and ignore that accidental glance or ignorant question long enough, I’m sure you are quite smart enough to figure it out on your own. Life really is way to short to spend endless moments attempting to figure anyone else’s mind.
I’ve lived a good life, luckier than many, less fortunate than some and have no regrets. The second half is just beginning; so on that note… let the ride continue. And if anyone wants to read along, stay tuned!
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